Monday, January 26, 2009

Denial

Ignorance is bliss

Living in denial can be a lifesaver. It can turn anything around, it can make you believe you can fly.
Until you hit a tree.

Then watch out because there's a hell of a lot of negotiating, figuring out and problem solving left to do.

I returned to work today, only to do things at half my normal pace (which of course, is only 1/4th a regular person's pace). The motion of doing made me believe that the past 4 days were all a dream. Someone is having fun with me, giving me another challenge. Tell me I'm dieing I'll prove you wrong. That's been my MI for my entire life. Up until this very moment, it's worked, infact I'm sure I'll be depending on it for a little while longer.

I am Eastern European stock: I am stubborn and will live on, prove more and brush off any challenge as a joke.
This visit shook me out of that tree I hit. The fight of denial has landed. The bird is broken and can't be fixed. She'll be mending her wings for a while, feeling all sorts of feelings from anger to sadness to guilt. She won't fly again, she will limp until ...?