Friday, January 30, 2009

the wife

I just got my wedding video (uncut) in the mail. I knew it was coming, but I didn't know when. I'm guilty of pressuring this friend for the video (cut or not it doesn't matter I tell her) and I feel badly. I don't feel bad that I have it. In fact, I am extremely ecstatic.

With all that's happened during my marriage since that day, I am still inlove with this woman. The details of our year's ups and downs are personal but for those who stood by me or her, they were difficult at best to watch.

What I've dsicovered is that love really does heal. I mean deep, from the heart without pretense kind of love. I'm not suggesting that that is what I have, but all the crap, all the arguments over wrongly folded clothes, all the disagreements over money, just aren't that important. In the end, it's the quality of the love and time spent. I don't regret much in life, but I do regret spending much of that year without her. I regret holding on to resentments like they were my lifelife. The only true lifeline is love.

I guess I sound very typical of a person facing their mortality, but I don't want to spend any more minutes apart with mylife partner, my wife.

All the resentment that once ate my soul, zapped joy from my life. I can't make up for a lost year nor do I want to spend the rest ot his time making up for lost time. It's gone, it's lost, it will never reappear. What I do want is to enjoy the now - not made up time, not what would have been, but now. Right now. What's infront of me is the rest of my life.