Wednesday, February 4, 2009

the heart lies but the weather cooperates

On mild days it lets me believe everything is OK. Some days I think it might be easier if I lost all my hair or had some other outside marker to show that I wasn't completely healthy. I have blue hands and lips, yes, however that's my norm.

I am able to climb my stairs, go to work and laugh. I love mild days. I love my workplace that allows me to raise my legs while working at the computer. Such a small gesture helps the edema - which enables me to last longer than 6 hours. I am not as light-headed, I can feel my hands and limbs. I love the small favours.

Favours: I am learning to ask for things I need like the permission/ability to work from home when it is too damn cold for my health, information on death rituals and the relief knowing that my wife will not be alone - that she has community to lean on when she gets tired of care-taking, or when she needs a laugh.

I am only just learning to ask. The act of accepting will take some time. I am still stubborn, a virtue that has taken me this far. Patience is requested as I adjust.