Wednesday, April 15, 2009

more paper work

So I had a meeting with my wife and my cardiac NP to discuss my DNR, living wills, biological wills and powers of attorney.
There is SO much paper to read, consider, fill out and get processed it just bogs me down. I keep thinking it's too soon to do all this stuff but as she points out, it best be done now so that we have most of it covered. None of it is straightforward either. Every case is different and with every case, factors change. We combed through the DNR looking for different scenarios. In the end the DNR stands - most of it anyway. Apparently you can pick and choose from the list which measures can be executed and which I won't allow. That of course, makes it much more complicated. It means that if someone gets to me before they see the papers, things I don't want will happen. Not that my NP actually suggested this but she did tell me that some people have "DNR" tattooed to their chest. OK, I love body-modifications, but not that much! Maybe I'll just add it to my medic-alert bracelet, which ironically I lost sometime between last night and last night. I've been carrying around the DNR form to the point that the original is now all mangled. It's covered in olive oil stains, but I digress again. The DNR form scares me. It's so final. There's another term that's also being used here now: AND: "allow natural death" I like that, but, doesn't make sense for situations which aren't natural (like being hit by a car).

Which brings me to the Powers of Attorney and Biological Will. I need to have a visit with a lawyer soon because it sounds like what I want done is not allowed in this country. I do not want to be attached to machines/feeding tubes etc. beyond day 15. Originally I did not want this at all but over the past few years I've decided that I believe in miracles only to the point that I'd give my body 10-15 days to come out of a comatose state or I'd let my soul free. Apparently if that requires "pulling the plug" (ie stopping feeding tubes) this can't be done. That's why I need a lawyer - I need to find out what the exact parameters are exactly so that I can play with them.

The ideal situation would be to be hit by a car - the most likely situation is that my heart becomes so weak I slip into a coma. The second scenario is very likely. I don't like the second situation. I know I can't control the outcome, but I have a right to say I don't like it!