Wednesday, September 30, 2009

DD week 2 & silly MD's

So, it's been a week. Some side effects have already started, some have not. I keep reminding myself that it's supposed to get worse before it gets better. I've had days where I've been in pain throughout most of my body - the edema gets that bad (feels like it's February again). My Wife, kind as she is, offered the only medicine she knows: western medicines. I haven't taken any painkillers not because I'm a martyr, but because I don't want to start the vicious cycle of being medicated 24 hours a day just to treat the side effects from the primary medication. I will, eventually, find a way to live through it. I always do. Whether it's my funky Asian patches, relaxation, massage or what not, I will continue to resort to "something else" rather than chase the pain away with more meds.

Then there's today. I've felt nothing but really really good. In fact, I was out at a group activity this evening and a friend commented on how (good) I look. Maybe it's the new hair, maybe there are good days to meds. Either way, I'm told not to expect anything (positive) for months. So, I'm letting go of expectations (but secretly preparing for the worst). And apparently not all side effects appear in the first week. Some can sneak up on you. OK. fine, I'll deal.

Last week I was a little freaked out at starting these things primarily because I'm a control freak - yes I know I am! I like to control what goes into my body and how it reacts. That's one of my aversions to medications: once you swallow it you have no control. If you don't like it you might be able to vomit it up, but really you have NO control over it. Patches and ointments can be washed away. Accupunture can be stopped mid-session. So can other non-invasive treatments, but meds, nope, there's no stopping them. Taking these things wasn't just about dealing with side-effects, issues of funding etc., it was about the lack of control that I have. And I do not give that up easily! I'm not one to surrender easily, which has really stunted my spiritual development. That's about turning to (your) Creator andnot taking on anything more than what's yours. Some days I think my shoulder scholiosis is due to the weight of the world just sitting there!

I had a doctor's appointment this week of course. So yet again my blood tests caused some a alarm. When do they not? Anyway, these had nothing to do with my heart - the dr. was freaking out over my unusually low blood-sugar. Um, well, that's no news to me. I've known I'm hypoglycemic since I was about 16. Apparently me knowing it isn't enough - they want to know where the official diagnosis is and why I haven't had one. Probably because I won't go for the tests. I can't fast. I won't fast actually. I know what happens. I had to fast for an ultrasound last winter and by the time I made it to the labs I was in a (low) sugar shock. I was initially mistaken for a drunken idiot until I had the wherewithall to lift my arm and expose my medic-alert breacelet. Next thing you know the nurse handed me a glass of OJ just as I had hit the chairs.

Anyway with regards to this dr. wanting an "official" diagnosis... all I can do at this point it laugh. I mean, really if my levels are low withouth fast do they really want to have me fast and well, pass out? And what good is the "official" dx in my chart when I've been living like this for 20 years. I just told her that I did not now need a number to tell me when I need to stop and eat since I am well aware of the symptoms after living this way for 20 years and all. Sometimes doctors really are full of themselves, sometimes they don't trust that the patient trusts their bodies. Sometimes they need you to depend on a machine (blood strip tests) to tell you what you already know.

At this point in my life, with all that I'm living with dis-ease wise, I couldn't be bothered to humour them and give up another day so they can have their numbers. Didn't take me serious when I was 16, why now? and which sponsor is pushing the newest sugar-testing machines?