Monday, September 21, 2009

trepidation

Tomorrow morning I start my designer drugs. These are the little pills that, at the start dosage cost about $3000 a month. They arrived today and are really, quite small for the price!
Over the weekend I did the math: I'm swallowing the equivalent of a pair of Bloodstones (boots I've always wanted) every two days. I will never have Bloodstones in this lifetime so these pills better be something else! I have a standing (blood) requisition coming my way too. After reading the monograph I'm going to be sure to follow through on the tests, no matter how much I hate needles. My NP and I both hope that these little pills actually do more good than negative. She says it'll take about 3 months before I notice anything (if I do). Lovely - meanwhile I just have to watch that my eyes don't go yellow from toxicity. These are the times when I'm grateful to be married to a medic. She knows what jaundice looks like. Now, I'm hoping that I don't suffer one of the side effects: vomiting. You'd think this was chemo (no disrespect to those who have done it, I believe there's no comparison - it's horrible). All the other side effects I pretty much live with anyway.

The anxious person in me just hopes that at best these things don't kill me! One of the other side effects screw with your heart beat. All I need is my already irregular heart rhythm disrupted. My Wife's 38 year old cousin just had a heart attack and now it seems everyone in her close circle is a heart patient. (We still haven't heard back from Step-son's autopsy). At least there's some hope for this new year. Hope keeps people alive.

Well, if it harms me I'll know within days or weeks at most. If it helps I'll have to wait some time before I actually start feeling it. I'm praying for patience.