Thursday, February 11, 2010

a single plot please

So it's a beautiful sunny day in downtown OT. I'm feeling energized because we've had incredible weather the past few weeks.
My health is stabilizing. I've been to the dentist and the doctors and everything seems where it should. I am so happy to not have any cavities for once in my life. :-) I had a cleaning, my first in 3 years because I haven't had insurance. Heart patients should have them every 3 months because the mouth is the first path to possible endocarditus complications. Meh. I'm going to die young anyway.

So, feeling pretty chipper today, I decided to tackle the question of my burial. I'm working full time now, and am able to start what I call my "plot account". I have been feeling very proud that I can be responsible enough to do this - not for anyone else anymore, but so that I'm not left high and dry since it will be me burying me now. And of course, it starts with the phone call. Society and their social norms. The guy asks what kind of plot: family or single. So, I say single. He clears his throat as if ashamed for me and asks again, "so no spousal spot". No asshole, I have no spouse anymore - I'll be lying in all of eternity next to strangers because my spouse can't keep a commitment... that's what came to mind, but I politely said, "no, single".

So I get the prices. Either they've gone up or I completely forgot to calculate the actual burial costs (ie the guys shoveling the gravel over me) in my first calculation last year of about $3,500. Now it really will look like $5,000. I'm rethinking this pre-planning thing. I mean, the only reason I thought that it was something important to do was because I wanted to relieve my life-partner of such a burden. I gave too much thought, compassion and concern to leaving her behind. I cared too much to want to take care of this part for her, to relieve her of all those worrisome details. Now, I have no ties. I am free (not that I ever wanted "freedom" - but that's another post).

I'm single now - I don't have to care about who's left behind. I don't have to worry about taking care to relieve some of those stressors. I can, if I want, leave it to the government to bury me. After all if I can't even afford a marker, how would it be very different than if I don't preplan and just get the stick sticking out of the ground?

Maybe I should just take that money and go overseas. I'd get more out of it that's for sure. Now that I'm living for me and only me, I might just do that.