Monday, September 6, 2010

baggage - doesn't have to weigh you down

Being ill can be heavy baggage to carry into new relationships - both friendships and romantic.

I've been meeting new folks since spring and really embracing my recent growth and allowing myself to really enjoy life again. It helps to have a "normal" schedule for the first time in eons, really! It's a whole new world to come home from work and have the ability to have dinner, go out with friends, and do nothing but social stuff on the weekends! To the point that... I'm trying all sorts of new things and pushing my boundaries again. And yes, there's inspiration for it.

The group of women I'm hanging around are incredibly fit - to the point that they climb mountains, and hike the Adirondacks for fun. Meanwhile I'm not able to walk more than 2 km's in nature. It's been difficult managing the baggage of limits without well, dragging it all in, especially when I look fit (thin, active attitude etc.). Take for example last weekend... a few of us were supposed to go kayaking. I decided to join in because someone I am smitten over organized it. I guess Creator didn't want me to go because days kayaking was cancelled due to Mother Nature. So instead her and I went for a walk at her favourite conservation area, followed by dinner the next day. I am in so much trouble, feeling alive again (with her). I've waited for active participation for so long then someone who is so incredibly active that I can't keep up, pops into my life. I've divulged little limits here and there because no one wants to hear the whole truth, and I don't need pity. I love my life, I love where I'm at, and that I've lived this long. I don't mind sharing if it comes to that, but for now I can bring an open, curious attitude (that I once had) to anything I ponder.

So maybe we'll go kayaking after all. I am hoping that kayaking is like walking: you can do it at your own pace. I guess I will find out. And no, I'm not silly enough to push myself beyond healthy reason just for a girl. I'm too old for that and respect my own self too much for that. It is satisfying though testing those boundaries again - see where they're at since the last time I "tried something new". Who knows, I may actually be able to do this, afterall I used to canoe with my ex. I was told a kayak is much lighter. We'll see ;)