Monday, November 15, 2010

that was easy

I have today off... came back from a 3 day weekend away with la femme francaise in beautifully old Quebec City.
I'm not looking forward to returning to 'normal life'. Tomorrow will be packed with clients back to back and no breathing space for case notes. Then off to start the legal process with the former love of my life...I don't know if it's irony or what, but I happened to be away with la femme francaise on the 1 year anniversary of my break-up. I wore my wedding ring (on the other hand). And there were had absolutely no issues with me wearing it. It's a grown-up relationship.

I'm not looking forward to any part of the day tomorrow including the part where we start legal closure. Right before I left for this little getaway, I was also given some very bad unexpected news concerning my finances so now I have to start dealing with that or else. It's going to be a long journey to balance (what isn't?) but am starting to believe that I can do it - it will be stressful to say the least and/or could result in an entire lifestyle change for the worst to say the most. Hoping for the best either way but leaving the worrying to my Creator. It's I that has to get busy with the ground work cleaning up the potential disaster.

Speaking of best, I had a fabulous time walking, talking exploring, eating, in Quebec. I brought my O2 tanks and even needed them. In fact, la femme francaise picked 'em up for me before the trip (the location is closer to her end of town). Anyone who knows me, knows my pride often gets in the way of asking for help and this was a big deal. But it was done, easy.

There is something very heartwarming/comforting about dating at this age: all the bullshit is gone. All that wanting and needing to impress is gone - doesn't mean we didn't have manners etc. not at all, but I didn't have to be a hero and walk up a hill if I couldn't. In your 20s people are so fixated on youth and ability that disability is thought of as something less, the focus is on the ability you're 'missing' (the stuff you're lacking). When you are older, more mature it's not what's missing, it's what's left that counts. It becomes about what and who's in front of you. When you are past mid-life as we both are (due to illness or natural life expectancy) it's all down hill from here. And that is not such a bad thing. It means that all the illusions of having some trivial things in common doesn't really keep a relationship together if the values are not aligned. It just doesn't matter if we see eye to eye in taste in music, clothes, even sports or leisure activities if one is doing something that is completely against the other's values. At this age it's about mutual respect, kindness, tolerance, love, care, etc. I was floored when she, after ordering bacon at brunch, said if this progresses where it seems it could, that she would never have pig or shellfish in the house. The instant respect that came without so much as mentioning it (she knows I'm a Jew but I never talked about being kosher) knocked the wind right out of me - and not the hill-climbing kind of out-of-breathness that usually stops me in my tracks, but the omg, this is so easy kind of amazement. It wasn't about giving up herself... she'd just eat it over at her bud's. It was about what she called respect. Plain and simple. No fight, no lossing of the self, just looking at the bigger picture.

And it was so easy...the entire weekend....was just so easy.