Thursday, March 24, 2011

hell

I am in hell, otherwise known as the 'nited states of america.
I just don't know where to begin.
Perhaps with sharing my greatest fear in the world: I am agoraphobic - the fear of uncontrolled social conditions, a person always needing a sense of safety (also known as looking for an escape route real or imaginary). There, I've admitted my greatest fear to the world. Now let me state that although I have that, I have been to France, Bahamas and even Mexico. How does this relate to my agoraphobia. I need a way to get home (that's not dependent on air), even if it's by donkey. One cannot take a bus or a train home from France. But I went anyway.
So here I am in the US, needing to get out.

At first the elevation was just too high for my health. I was swallowing blood. I had two options, to stay at low elevation with a friend until I became more stable, or to just start driving and head as far east and north as we could. My travel companion and I chose the second route. Mainly because I feared not being well enough to board on Sat. and then perhaps facing the driving choice then. So here we are finally in lower ground and things are still going to hell. Details are not important nor do I have energy for them. This is my living nightmare. I want to go home.
I am safe, I have my O2, we are sheltered. I know it could be worse, but it's precisely because this situation is pulling at MY greatest fear that this is intolerable.

If I ever get home safe and healthy I will NEVER travel to the states again... sure there's driving (is cross-border even worth it?) but I will never ever ever use american air-carriers. From being afraid of being a woman in scary-Texas to the salt and MSG added to every food imaginable to the upselling and rip-off taxes here there & every where, I think I will stick to my one tax: hst. I get my health-care, my roads, etc. all paid for under ONE tax!