Monday, June 13, 2011

existential

I've been struggling with existential angst since I got home from the trip that went wrong in March. I'm still haunted by the places I've never been and have always wanted to go to. I keep trying to figure out how I can re-do that trip. Keep recalculating ways to get to the four-corners and no matter what kind of stubbornness and persistence that I have, I know I cannot safely go there without causing real damage and that damage according to my cardiologist could be irreversible (death). I love life more than risking it to go anywhere, but I'm getting cabin fever. I cannot travel anymore. The entire world is now inaccessible to me. Even a driving trip to cape cod may be a bit risky. Heck these days it feels like driving to work could be risky. Thank goodness for portable refillable tanks.