Friday, July 22, 2011

6 weeks of stairs left!

I'm SO tired. This heat has really been challenging my system. Yes, breathing is tiring. But so is the swelling. I can feel the edema in my chest. It sounds weird but I can. Sometimes when I'm not getting enough O2, the whites of my eyes go reddish. My left eye has not only been red the past 30 hours but it's also hurting a bit. Perhaps that's part of the cataracts I have.

In other news, the climb up these stairs will only last 6ish more weeks. I'm moving to a bungalow. I'm glad I started packing a while back - slowly mind you - but I needed to really be ready to leave this house, my first house that my ex wife and I bought together. There's a lot of love in this house, despite many yucky memories too. I also love this house. I will miss my sun-room the most. But, perhaps I'll love my new house even more. It's a weird house, very 70s and oddly shaped (the main floor windows look like basement windows - they are that high). Last year when I was trying to come to terms with giving up this house (dubbed the manor) I must have sounded too stubborn to a certain friend. He replied that it's much easier to find another house to make a home than it is another good partner. Well, he is right. A year later I look forward to making this new house a home with a new life with la femme francaise, a fresh start, with new memories all our own. This house is lovely, but it's laced in memories that her and I don't have, and no matter how many would could try and create here (if I get a stair-chair) it will always be the home that ex-wife and I found to build our life.

I'm looking at a lot of work ahead of me and I'm hoping that the money's there to hire people to 'do' all the stuff that needs to be done because I really can't do any of it. I am weak these days. I spend most of my energy at work - there are stairs there. Today was worse, I was up and down those so many times I actually snuck into the photocopy room to hide for a bit of a break, twice. It was one of those days when someone sees you they want something from you. Hiding was a must.
I just realized it's moved from "feeling weak" to "am weak". I have a hard time carrying my backpack with O2, something that's life-sustaining is so heavy. I wonder if the O2 really helps. I know that it sorta does: it temporarily prohibts me from passing out due very low O2-sats but my required settings have increased. I am no longer on 3lpm. I've moved up to 5 and still feel like I'm not getting enough. Unfortunately the machine only goes to 5 lpm. My face broke out from wearing is so much, I've tried the face-mask but the sticky plastic was no better. We've had to wrap the canula parts in cotton which has helped, but my face is still pretty red and icky. I've been wearing make-up again so that it's not so apparent at work.