Saturday, August 20, 2011

catching up

Gawd this is the first quiet moment I've had in weeks. That's not to say I haven't been pondering a lot. I've had many reflections and entries waiting in my head but when they pop in I'm usually on the main floor of my house packing (or taking a break from packing) and running up stairs is the last thing I have excess energy to do.

At work I've been pushing myself - I'm so wanting a break that I called in sick yesterday. I came home to a smelly house. A turpentine like substance had been used by the handy-man to clean off old paint stains on the floor. It made me dizzy, so dizzy I decided, screw this, I'm not going to work tomorrow. So I got picked up and hid out at la femme francaise's house past the burbs. I watched cable -tv all day and went for a walk (she had another home-visit from a potential buyer). I needed to just get away from work - except my 4 day visit to Manitoulin Island, I haven't had a summer vacation and I won't have one. Packing my house is taking all of my time. I decided to book a week off at the end of September since La femme is invasive surgery on our one year anniversary (of being officially together). I will take that time to care for her (all on one floor!!), sew our wedding dresses, attend High Holiday services, rest, unpack (maybe) and prep my course since I teach this coming semester.

I am really over-taxing myself: downsizing & moving, wedding, teaching, partner's surgery. I'm sure there's more but I'm tired just thinking about it. We thought about not having the wedding, but we don't want to spend time not married - even if it's as low-key as done in her hospital bed, we just want to be together. I would rather not teach any more, but it's something I've always done and hard to say no to habit. Surgery can't be put off any longer, since it was supposed to take place in early summer but we were looking for homes then. And the packing - the reason I stayed in this house for much longer than I thought: moving is tiring for any healthy person, throw in heart-failure and well, let's just say I got out of breath rifling through the camping gear to find cord today. Ugh. But I've gotta go - I've known this for a long while. I've gotta go before those stairs get the better of me.