Wednesday, April 25, 2012

putting the disease on the backburner

Yes I've been absent from my writing but that doesn't mean I've all but stopped writing. I have drafts saved up, but no time saved up.
I thought I'd write a quick check in.
Lately for the first time in a very very long time I've had the opportunity to address other, non cardiac related health issues. I am finally seeing a physiotherapist for my scoliosis which has greatly affect my sacrum area and also accounts for the now uneven shoulders. Upon intake my physiotherapist gave me the winced eye look when I answered "all of my life/at least 10 years" to the questions "how long has your shoulder been out of place?" and"how long have you had the lower back trouble?". Fearing judgement I interrupted myself stating that my cardia condition has always been front and centre, and so like a screaming child, it has always received the attention. Now that I'm fairly stable I have the opportunity to address these non-life threatening yet painful issues.

A few weeks ago I was at a meeting with some people that I don't know very well but have "seen around". I had a hard time sitting, rolling my jacket behind my lower back, sitting on my hands at one point, all in the effort of relieving the pressure on my sacrum. A woman came to me after the meeting and said in her slight Irish accent, "you poor dear, look at you suffering". I suppose pain is a bitch on the best of days. I politely said that it wasn't a problem and took it in stride. Then she commended me for not complaining and I thought, so much for practicing humility. What I really wanted to say was that I contend with far more serious health issues and that my back really is "nothing at all".

I guess I just don't have to much to complain about. My TA is being maintained - at a price mind you. I have to stay at a job where I just don't have a voice in order that my $4,000/mth Rx are covered. I've spent a lot less time socializing and having a life because preparing and making healthy meals take so long. I know it's worth it however because the past weekend I went on a binge and ate my wife's chips - the whole bag - and was 'sick' the next day. I know food impacts us greatly but it was amazing just how quickly and how evident it's impact was. Palpitations, racing heart, inertia, depressiveness, aches, edema, excessive cyanosis, etc. all from the MSG in a bag of chips. It was so not worth it and I never want to see another bag of doritos. Horrible.