Saturday, April 27, 2013

blood pressure

So my doctor came by to evaluate the blood pressure situation. It's part of the process as I know but don't want to accept. It's job in this palliative journey is to keep going down until... of course, I'm not "ready" - sometimes I wonder if I ever will be but then I trust that I will know, just like I was "almost ready" to leave. I have decided that when I became almost ready, it wasn't about leaving life or the planet but about the work and rat race. I was completely ready for that. (I think most people are and some days I feel guilty that I'm at home, enjoying the sun, my sanctuary etc. and ma belle still has to be out there in the race. Then I realize we will all have our time.
Anyway, back to the visit. The doctor consulted with dr. cardio man, and of course his reply was "there's nothing we can do". I've started disliking this man - espcially for not giving me the transplant option for me to peruse myself. Who is he to make these kind of decisions for me? So my dr. Lady took away one of my not-so-essential meds and we'll see what happens (that medication is known as a hypotensive). I've also increased my liquid intake (also medically supervised). That's been such a challenge after getting used to consuming only 8 cups of liquid total (including ice-cream, yogurt etc.) in a day. I was down to about 7 a day. Now I'm making every effort to consume that much not including soup and liquid. It's also essential to space it because all at once could start the "congestive" part of congestive heart failure (for which I'm not congestive, thankfully). My body has great alarms mechanisms. I feel the edema (the slushy galoshes feeling in your feet) that I know to slow down.

I have an amazing family dr. and I'm so glad she's been following me the past 12 years. Despite her busy schedule (she's on faculty at our med school), I'm still on her roster. She has a few palliative patients and really understands that sometimes just alleviating symptoms is enough. Dr. cardio man and his "nothing we can do" approach needs a bit of humanism.