Wednesday, May 1, 2013

How to enjoy summer in the city while on a leash

With spring arriving in these parts of the country I feel a new surge of energy that I didn't have the luxury to experience in winter. Some days I'm pretty successful at fooling myself that I'm palliative. Though I don't have the physical energy I once had, my brain hasn't stopped working. It's full of ideas, springtime ideas bursting with creativity and life.
I've taken to the outdoors though my oxygen tubing won't necessarily allow it. I say necessarily because I can barely leave my front door to look at all the pretty flowers starting to peak through the ground. My tulips are even opening up. I have only one foot of leash on the front stoop. That's where all of our garden is, since we have no backyard (we're on a corner lot) and the front yard is south facing anyway.
The other day I realized that I get something like 9 feet of tubing in the back. Seeing at the back yard is only 8 feet wide, it means I can move about. Most of our back is cement (patio) but a few feet from the door (within reach) is a small 8 by 8 section of mud. It's located where the sun don't shine. Literally. It's the north side of the house so nothing will grow there. I have a super friends and a helpful mom who have all informed me what I can plant in that section. My newest project is to build and grow a shade garden sanctuary where I can still enjoy the loveliness of the outdoors without burning in the heat and humidity of this valley. I am so pleased. Unfortunately there's next to no privacy. Being that small means we're right next to our neighbours (who aren't very congenial) and it's a chain link fence, meaning they can see me, I can see them. What do I have to hide really? They can't deal with the illness in their face, they can go inside!
So here we go, I intend to keep living until I'm not. I have lofty plans and goals for my time at home (I've come to call it retirement) by I don't care. If I'm not doing this dying thing properly, I can do it again in another lifetime (if such thing exists) since we ALL do it, guaranteed.

Last night we already put up our wind chimes, took out a small table. I found my favourite outdoor (plastic) table covering. As the beautiful weather unfolds, hostas, ferns, bleeding hearts, monk's hood will be planted. I may even hang some prayer flags and even a back bird feeder. I'll welcome the entertainment. I'm not sure how much I will actually be out there as I still love my sewing time but I hope to be there at least once a day when it's not raining.

Leash be damned.

As I "do" all of this (ok, my spouse mainly) I am reminded not only of Treya Williams-Kilber but of another beautiful spirit acquaintance, Janet, and countless others who've squished every drop of life out of "what's left". I may be departing, we all are, but I don't have to lie in bed waiting for the angel of death to come take me. I am still here. I may not know why but I'm surely not going to waste what's left. There was a reason my DNR was not with me when they gave me atropine in the ER that night. I've had many second, third, fourth, fifth and so on, chances in my life. This I know is my last and it's going to be good, sweet, succulent and full of love.

Now, if you don't mind, I have freshly baked brownies waiting.