Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Negative atheists

There are times when close loved ones are not the people to turn to when you're in turmoil. When you're a palliative patient, everyone suffers, especially the loved ones. So who does one turn to for help with the biggest decisions that will ultimately affect yours and their lives? A neutral ear, a therapist, they are not helpful either.
Sometimes loved ones are pulled and stretched in supporting the ill but they need their own support. I used to like to think I was the pillar holding up my partner but I can't be that anymore and her pillar has crumbled down. It's exhausting caring for 2 people in a marriage when only one can take care of all the physical (errands, laundry, cleaning, shopping, dishes, etc. etc.).
I work so hard at being positive that it also becomes tiring. Sometimes I'd like a refuge to feel sad a little bit but when that makes others' sad, it's difficult.
I know I'm no ray of (constant) sunshine but in my conscious attempt at being positive I find I'm becoming more intolerant of negative people around me. I have a friend who, thought I love her dearly, every time we get together (or on messaging for that matter) she will always throw out a negative criticism. Just once I'd love to challenge her to one visit without the negativity. I won't ask though because she believes she's a positive person. When I challenged her on it a few years ago it was met with anger. If only I had a tape-recorder.
Then there's the other acquaintance who's a staunch atheist who has to put down anyone and everyone who thinks differently than her or her science articles she puts in her FB feed. I wonder if she is somehow making up for her own lack of intelligence by hiding behind other peoples' research. She claims to be a know-it-all yet only has an undergraduate degree, not even in science. I am irked by this because whenever I struggled (months earlier) with the transplant issue she used a numbers approach. Her attitude was 'well, you could choose death' forgetting that that's the end result of the whole thing. Period. To her quality of life is not something to consider. She's very much a quantities person. Here I am "bitching" about her so I decided to delete her. I am so tired of being beaten over the head with a journal article. Her behaviour has been as bad as those fundamentalists she complains about: hitting people over the head with the bible claiming it's fact. Well darling, a journal article/study may be fact but it's not infallible. Fundamental atheists are just as bad as fundamental religious people: being disrespectful of each other, critical and resorting to name-calling!
As you've discovered from me dear reader I'm not "Religious" or even believe in a 'god' per se, but I am highly spiritual and believe that there is more to this world and to us than what we can see, hear and feel. Some folks label that agnostic, I'm fine with Spiritual thank you very much. I pray, I meditate, I make amends, I forgive and ask for forgiveness. I also hold a graduate degree, understand research methodology and basic science. I see proof of evolution all over the place and don't understand why it's even a debate. I also turn to biblical passages for comfort. Though they are most likely fictional stories, there is always something new I get out of them - not because it was written by some 'religious' group, but because as an introspective spiritual person who processes information, I recognize that each time I reread something, I'm a different person than when I was the last time I read it.
There's a saying that you can't put your foot in the same river twice. I used to teach that to my students (when I taught at college). Same with a story: the story doesn't change, but what we need from it does.
The Universe itself is alive and electric and I don't understand atheists who say they believe in fact and science but then don't also believe in the fact and science of physics, molecules and the energy that they create. I mean, what is prayer: sending a certain type of energy out into a specified direction.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.