Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Partial Bucket List

As you all know, I'm waiting for a bed at the transplant assessment program in TO. Things are moving along slowly and with the bed shortage they've actually given me the go-ahead to complete some tests in town. Ironic since I advocated for that months ago and they said no. What a quick turn-around. It's so that when I am transported to TO I don't have to spend a week there. They also don't have the luxury of giving me a week's worth of beds. Because I'm a curious person I asked about the particulars of travel: land or air. Will my support person be allowed to come or does she have to make her own way there and find the hospital in that crazy-packed city. The answers I wanted to hear is what I got. That is, if it's an ideal situation. First choice is to travel by chopper to TO, with my sister. Of course, if there's no room, or there are a shortage of choppers that day, it will have to be by land. I started getting very excited. I figured, if I couldn't helicopter over the Grand Canyon, I could take part of the bucket list item off: a helicopter ride. I realize Lake Ontario is not a big deal but this is all I have left, so I'll take it.
Anyway, as I researched how long the ride is and the service I would be using, my excitement whittled away. I found newspaper articles outlining recent scandal, crashes and deaths. I'm not overly confident anymore until I realize I don't have much life in me anyway. So far, getting back into my spiritually-based routine has helped my nerves. I don't feel as anxious about this and have confidence that everything will turn out as it should. No matter what that "should" will be. The reality is, everything and everyone dies. Everything in between is what counts.