Tuesday, March 25, 2014

2nd last week of Cardiac Rehab

It's been a long time since I've written online. January to be precise. I stopped because there were things going on in my life that I did not want a few folks on this planet knowing. I had a great discussion with a friend from afar who keeps in touch with me mainly through my blog. We discussed options including locking the block. I gave that some thought and though I could care less about the few folks I want to keep my information from, I recall the wonderful line that states "the best revenge is a life well lived" (or happiness, or whatever). Now, I'm not suggesting I'm about revenge, because that would mean those 3 still effect me somehow. They don't and since I really don't care, I am writing. Just for today.

And today I'm doing well. Not as well as I'd anticipated. I was really hoping to be coming off supplemental oxygen by now and looking forward to returning to work. I cannot do that, yet. I did however go ahead and complete my jurisprudence course as a step towards becoming a fully registered psychotherapist with the new college coming to this province in a week. I am ready to apply on April first, even if I am not able to return to work. It would have been stupid of me to not do this. If I can never get off supplemental oxygen, at least I covered my bases. Maybe I can turn to phone counselling though that's not ideal in working with Trauma.

Back to my health. I am in my second last week of cardiac rehab and I feel stronger than I did before all of this happened. it is incredible how muscles can grow back in such a short period of time (3 months). I have nice shapes happening under my skin, but lots of growing pains to go along with it. Yes, I have experienced shin splints and the development of Achilles tendinitis! Yes me, little old me. I am at a slow pace. I will never be able to sustain an athletic pace and will always require supplemental oxygen when I exercise or exert myself (walks, "hikes", yoga). I have come to terms with that and it's okay by me. Hell, I was dying last year at this time. To come to terms with having to use oxygen is not such a big deal. Though I still struggle with it regarding work. It's because I miss work, theories, the mental challenge each client brings, etc. I don't miss rush hour, the commute, the pace at which my work was (front-line/crisis work is physically demanding). I missing have to know about mindfulness theories and how it contributes to traumatology for work rather than just my own interests. I miss having to know about transpersonal development for work rather than my own interests. I miss having to know about appropriateness of (art)materials per disorder for work rather than for self-interest. So instead I've been focusing on the development of my body for the past 3 months. My mind can and will follow. Last year was the year of spirit. This year seems to be the year of body (physicality). We are spiritual beings having human experience but without our bodies as vessels we cannot complete the human assignment. Without the body we are nothing in this task.

This Friday I have a follow up with my respirologist who put me on medication that gave me horrible side effects in January. That unfortunately took away an entire class of drugs to treat my PH. We will see if there's anything else that can help. There is one medication that is currently in studies. I am willing to consider it and am glad they are talking to me about it. My last cardio-man (whom I fired after my return from Toronto) never spoke to me about other alternatives. Well, we know what happened there. So Friday we discuss. Then in a few weeks I return to Toronto for my follow up and we will see what can be done to get me off oxygen long enough during the day that I can work again. In the meantime I have a very short window in which I can technically get more ink. I just got off my post-surgical blood thinner and will probably be put back on them or others by the time Toronto comes around. It's one of the things I'm going to discuss, though I dislike the thought of pharmaceuticals, I also really dislike the thought of routine phlebotomies. I am really comfortable with how clear my head has been, my hemoglobin actually being well below 200. So yes of course I have an appointment with the ink-gun booked already in that small window!

I have many other goals in which I am working towards, training for, hoping for. I will post as I accomplish them, and probably no sooner.
Anyway, speaking of physicality, time for my walk!