Sunday, September 28, 2014

Taking the time I need...life is serious.

I've been keeping to myself (mainly) the past several days. I have a lot of things to think about. I did have help from one scientist friend. She helped me figure out I have more questions for the surgeon. I am upset that I didn't get enough time to ask all the relevant questions I needed to ask but when I spoke with my sister, she reminded me that there was a heart that came in so it's not like they double booked me on purpose. I didn't realize the surgery he had to attend was a transplant. It makes me feel a bit better - because those things are miraculous in and of themselves and it's that work that I respect so much in Toronto.

So, I have a phone consult with the surgeon booked for next week and I'm also going down by train (just for the day) for another consult. A hundred and twenty dollars round trip same day, albeit a long day (leaving at 05:55 and returning around 23:00hrs) is not a bad price. Considering the hospital rate for the hotel next door is $160 a night, I'll do the train thing.
IF I'm even going to consider this repair, I owe it to myself to know what I'm getting into.

I'm still not sure. There are so many factors beyond risk and death. I do have to think about my "quality of life" now and whether I'm satisfied with my life as is. IE will I be alright dying where I'm at now or is it worth the risk dying sooner for the slight possibility of a longer, better life. I'm not a gambler by nature so this is hard. Actually even if I were a gambler this would still be ridiculously hard.

They did say, if I wasn't as "healthy" as I was in all other aspects of my life (i.e., eating, exercising, organs, etc.) they would NOT offer this surgery period.

Anyway it's a gorgeous day so I'm off for a hike (and yes, that is one of the reasons they are offering it to me: I am active and motivated despite the depression that can come with being this ill).