Sunday, February 28, 2016

1 year anniversary, come & gone

My 1 year anniversary of "the big surgery" has come and gone.
I went to the spa and floated (in the salt-rich 'pool'). It was like being suspended in utero.
It was also overpriced.
But, I had to do it once in my life.

A year ago today, I was still in hospital, so in a sense, I've been sorta marking the entire month.
In just over a week I turn 43. I am missing a few years and I've been making up for it. Cramming in 2 years worth of professional upgrading and training in the past few months. I'm actually entering burnout/compassion fatigue. Doing, writing, researching, reading and living trauma work 6 out of 7 days a week including evenings is too much. I don't know how I've also maintained a bit of a social life in there for good measure, but I have.

Other areas of my life have suffered, but it's not like they haven't been suffering for a long while now. I'm pulling back, but not before I move in overdrive for the next few weeks. I refuse to be still working on training when the weather is nice. So, this weekend I stayed in, ploughed through some work and the gap in that aspect of training is closing.

It doesn't help that this time of year is professional renew time which requires an entire professional development plan of what I did, what I will do and current modalities of working. That will be next weekend.
The irony of all this is I finished the first phase of my Mindfulness training which was, in theory, supposed to help reduce the felt sense of stress in my life. It only contributes to it as the course was taken as a participant-observer. Reflections are due next week, research papers in a few other weeks...

I laugh/cry as I reflect on all the self-imposed work thinking about my main reason for not doing a PhD: all the studying involved. I'm doing it now anyway. Difference is this peters out eventually to a rather stable amount of professional development. Whereas now I'm "making up for lost time".