Friday, May 12, 2017

one new thing on hold

Well look at that, I haven't written since the end on January. My how things change in a few short months.

We moved at work... that caused a lot of stress in April and now into May. The building is not accessible at all. I am having a very hard time with the stairs (I'll get to that shortly). There's now a law in this province that workplaces must meet certain accessibility standards by, oh, 2016. If I were to make a complaint they'd face almost 100K in fines and I'd likely lose my job (for other reasons of course).

Nonetheless, we've now completed 2 weeks at the new location and I am happy to have my own office again. The constant battle to find/switch offices for sessions was insane. There were times when all of us had sessions at the same time so I had to meet a client in their kitchen. Those days are gone. Ironically though my office still seems to be a gathering place. All I have to do is turn my away from my case-notes and there are two coworkers sitting around. Though I like the company, I have to work. It's called work after all.

So back to the health - the whole reason for the blog: living with CHD and PH. My Pulmonary Hypertension is acting up. A lot. Despite tripping my lasix, I am still experiencing edema. I am out of breath all the time and have a hard time with the stairs. Not 3 months ago was I on a ski hill. You see my theme for 2017 was to try one new physical thing per month.

January started off with the end of my level 1 swimming lessons. I counted it for 2017 even though I started in late 2016 because why not? In February it was Salsa/Batchata. In March it was a ski lesson and in April it was curling. Of the 3 things so far, I much preferred curling. May was supposed to be a 10km and June, the batting cages. I thought, when I felt better of course, that I could maybe join a rec softball team or something.

Also on my list: shooting, paragliding, zip-lining, hiking down Mt Mansfield (Vermont's highest peek). Sadly I'm not sure I'll be able to attempt those things. I'm going to see my specialist is June but I have a feeling that with PH, this is status quo. They are already considering new "designer drugs" (i.e. PH meds that cost thousands a month- no joke).
Eighteen months was better than nothing. For a little while I got to experience life as a 'normal' person. No limits, just go.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Happy 2017!
Over the holidays it seemed on social media anyway, that 2016 was a bad year for many folks. I beg to differ. It wasn't overly fantastic, but, any year where I'm alive, without supplemental oxygen and breathing easy is a good year!
Twenty sixteen was a "normal" year. I looked normal, I travelled, I worked, I worried about work, I worried about life, I lived.
Twenty-seventeen on the other-hand holds a lot of "new". My intentions going into 2017 include replacing almost everything in my life, minus my cats. By the end of the year I'll be driving a new vehicle, working at a new job, living in another place. Well it's not even the end of January and I already have new wheels. I couldn't afford much, a 2010 vehicle but I finally drive a small "SUV". I can strap a kayak on Him and go. I don't have to bend to far down to get into the vehicle and with this aging body, that's a welcome thing.

I've been applying more consistently to jobs including the government. I am almost overly qualified for the last position I applied for but I am missing the language. I applied anyway. This year is more about doing things anyway. If I flop, so what. If I don't, great!
As you've noticed I still haven't written anything about being a cardiac-kid. It's not front and centre anymore. There are things that come up. I do have a follow-up appointment in June. I had one in November and I can't recall if I wrote, but I do have a leak or two. My super-star team didn't seem that concerned so I hope it's just a common occurrence. I won't be running a marathon (ever) so I'll be  just fine.
I am supposed to be training for a 10 (walk) but have been slow to get physical. I'm at the gym only once (maybe twice) a week and the pool once a week. Not enough, I know. My swimming lessons are at a stand-still. I have not yet "graduated" level one so I'm practicing until I meet the requirements to register for level two in the spring. I suppose the leak and the cardiac issue still does affect my day to day life: I can't perform like a normal person. I don't have the stamina to swim the length of the pool. Then again five months ago I couldn't float, at all. The fact that I can swim 7 meters front stroke and 17 meters back stroke impresses me and I'm the only person I need to impress.

So back to the 10k. If I can complete that in May then I will be adding the 1/2 marathon to the 2017 list. A few acquaintances I met at Cardiac-camp this past summer will be doing the 1/2 in the fall (walking) and I'm welcome to join them (if I can start training in time). As for other desires: I'd love to go to Newfoundland this summer but I'm not sure I'll have the time or the money. I just dumped my travel money into wheels.

This blog was a fantastic project when congenital cardiac issues affected my day to day life. Though I'm not officially leaving it, I'm not sure how much more I can explore the topic of being a congenital-kid. I know the journey is not over. I cross my fingers there aren't other major surgeries in my path, but where I'm at now is stable and I really just want to remain in that moment. I worry enough at work that I don't want to be worrying about my health. And I don't, that much really. Some days it feels like the past 4 years never happened. I was working then and I'm working now. The first few months I returned it was easy: finding files I wrote, cases I worked on. Now it's simply day to day life. It does scare me a bit. I've lost that intensely spiritual connection to myself-life that was so strong during my palliative year. That year was about focusing on the end. Now I'm focusing on the now. Perhaps to a down fall that I haven't moved on sooner in work and living.